Saturday, 30 June 2007

PITY ME NOT

Hey everyone
Wow what a varried amount of responses. For the record, I am far from
being a cartoon character living in cloud land - although it sounds
like a nice place to visit.
The things I have learned on my journey through hell etc is that you
can't hide from life. God knows I spent enough time doing that. From
a young age I completed the cycle of violence my father handed down to
me. It took a while to realise that it is a conscious choice to
continue to hit and be beligerant. So I decided to drop the nickname
of Bruiser (which I had so rightly earned) and try a different tactic
on life.

My next foray was into the life of oblivion. Being allergic to beer
(not that I think it tastes that great anyway), disliking wine (cheap
upbringing I think), I went straight to spirits and had a lot of fun
after being kicked out of home at 16.


By 19 engaged and with a tiny alcohol problem I finally got some
control over myself, learning that life is still there when sober.


Aged 20 and I had my gallbladder removed from alcohol abuse, and now
have liver legions. LESSON LEARNED - What you do today has an effect
on the rest of your life.



>From then on I went a bit nutty. I hardly ever slept and was forever


having terrible nightmares, the best way to describe them is to ask
you all if you have ever had a dream where you are falling and feel
yourself falling, only to wake up before you hit the bottom??
Well 95% of my dreams are that intense but with differing subjects,
usually the macabre and horrific. I couldn't handle it and thought I
was just weak, that everyone had these dreams etc, that there was a
major flaw in me.

Add to that seeing things that I knew weren't there, like glowing
nimbus's floating across the room. I knew they weren't real, my cat
sure couldn't see them. I thought I was loosing my mind.


Fast forward 8 years and several attempts to sleep for a time of a
permanent nature. Being in the mental health system was no joy, but
it was an escape for me, you can get away with stuff that the average
joe can't do.
The whole time I was saying "I'm depressed because I can't sleep" and
the medical professionals were saying "you can't sleep because you're
depressed". It took a sleep study to reveal the truth, NARCOLEPSY.


All the symptoms fit and the brain scan can't lie, I was right.
LESSON LEARNT - Always believe in yourself, you know you better than
anyone and never give up.


Those are just 2 lessons I have learnt there are many more. Must
admit haven't read Hemmingway. But one thing is for sure, this blog
is not a poor me sob story, I have a brain and an opinion and am not
stopping until they are heard.

3 comments:

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